"So the infant's paying attention to and the observing of the outside world has much in common with our own sate of attention. He is distracted, as we are, when emotionally too preoccupied, and how well he can pay attention depends on how often ha can be in state of "quiet alertness". Conversely, the more he finds himself preoccupied or needful at all waking times, or even emotionally perturbed, the less he will be able to observe and eventually understand."
"The state of the healthy infant at the breast should be compared with the emotional state of an a dult who is totally absorbed in an activity of the utmost importance to him, for example, the sprinter at the last few yards of the 100-yard dash, the virtuoso at the height of the calenza, or the lover at the peak of sexual union."
"In therapy with psychotic people, our task is not to encourage them to see the world as it really is, because that is exactly what they cannot do, but to create a world that is totally different from the one they abandoned in despair."
"A method for comprehending man: to know oneself so that one may also know the other. This is why a deficiency in self-knowledge means a deficiency in knowing the other."
"Parents who ask their children to share have only temporary use in mind. They would be better off if they would ask the child to lend a toy to another child, because loan impplies continued possession, while sharing doesn't necessarily imply this.The main fact here is that we feel free to dictate our child what to do with his possessions, when to let others use them, how to take care of them, how to put them away, even when to get rid of them, not to mention the times we simply take them away from him whatever reason. Why souldn't he think he has the right to do the same with our property? If he does think so, but we don't openly grant him some equality, he may try to establish it surreptitiously."
"Some parents (usually for reasons of which they are in most cases completed unaware) are not satisfied with the way their child plays. So they start telling him how he ought to use a toy, and if he still continues to suit his own fancy, they "correct" him, wanting him to use the toy in accordance with its intended purpose, or the way they think it ought to be palyed with. If they insist on such guidance, the child's interest in the toy - and to some extent also in play in general - is apt to wane, because the project has become his parents' and is no longer his own."
"Homo sum;humani nihil a me alienum puto: Since i am human, nothing human can be alien to me, which is to say that whatever another human being thinks or does, i ought to be able to find an equivalent of it within myself. If this is true for the behavior of utter strangers, how much true must it be for one's own child."
"It requires considerable inner security to be able to consider views opposite to our own, a security that children of all ages are lacking."
"When we lift a child in our arms or let him ride on our shoulders so he sees things from even higher up than we do, we give him great pleasure, since he can now observes the world from our perspective. When we stoop down or sit on the floor, both our adult perspective and the small child's persective on the world are equally available to us."
"Disneyfied fairy tales have a way of losing energy and relevance because they often miss the point. Worse still, perhaps, is that many women talk about "kissing a lot of frogs" as if this is a necessary part of the process of finding one's life partner.This is the way a cliche can take on a life of its own and become dangerous.What these women are saying, in efffect,is that it is necessary to have a large number of unsatisfactory relationships with manipulative creeps before one can find a real man. Anyone who says that is truly asking for trouble and for misery.It's a really dangerous message to tell yourself and it doesn't reflect the tale at all...The real tale actually says that the princess picks up the frog and throws it against the wall to kill it. Then the frog becomes a prince..."
"Given enough opportunity, most children soon begin to use fantasy play to bring order into their chaotic inner world,or to free themselves from its undesirable outcroppings.By doing so, they begin to increase their capacities to cope with reality"
"Parents who rely on "how-to-books" for child rearing have established unconsciously, or more often subconsciously, a parallel between their more intimate personal interactions with their child and the assemply of a piece of machinery"
"If we need to understand our child, we need to understand their play."
"The way in which a parent experiences an event makes for the child all the difference of the world because it is on this basis that he interprets the world to himself."